“…strength is not the absence of vulnerability. Strength is knowing what your weaknesses are and working with them.”
I have noticed one issue that most men confront when they begin therapy is that they don’t want to be there! In many cases, men have been urged, even forced, to go to therapy by someone else, usually a spouse. At first contact these men just want a solution, so that they can “get on” with their day to day business. This is when they face the thing that they fear most about therapy. I ask them to tell me about themselves. What brings them in? What is it that is not working for them? And the big one, how does that make you feel?
Initial sessions with men often begin with them reflecting, “I don’t know what to say,” or “I don’t really know how to talk about the feelings that I am having,” and, “I should be able to handle these things on my own – it makes me feel weak to be here.”
We make room for those statements. We talk about how it is hard to talk about all those feelings and thoughts. We talk about the expectations that they have of themselves to be strong and self reliant. We discover that these are rules that have always been part of the deal of being a man. Then, we do something a little bit radical, we talk about our feelings anyway. We deliberately talk about our feelings, and we notice that it actually feels good to make them plainly known. We make the discovery that dropping the shield is courageous and that knowing all the parts of ourselves is a relief.
Together we do something that seems like we are doing nothing – we build a relationship where it is okay to be all of who you are. This is a new experience and one that is missing for many men. This experience allows men to connect to the parts of them that they haven’t developed simply because they haven’t been given permission to be curious.
As these parts become known, men start to be able to grow up emotionally, to be in relationships where they can be responsible for their own feelings and behaviours which deepens connections and the respect they have for themselves and that others have for them. They start to own their lives and find that they are in much more control when they are aware than they were when they were living in the dark, with no understanding of where their actions were coming from.
Relationships with spouses, partners, children, family, friends and colleagues are more satisfying and there is less conflict or misunderstanding. Depression and anxiety eases. Life brings more contentment and freedom. And all this because you committed to coming to sessions weekly and to have the courage to be curious about what was below the surface. This is what we “do” to “fix” the “problem”.
To provide clients with an accepting, friendly space to discover their healing path and to develop therapeutic relationships that sustain, inspire and guide them.
To provide clients with highly skilled, self responsible and self aware psychotherapists and yoga therapists who are always striving to learn about advancements in their fields and to continually develop themselves.
To create psychoeducational opportunities for clients to empower them to learn about their symptoms and how they can move towards healing and growth.
To provide innovative training programs that develop highly competent, self aware, self responsible, and inspiring psychotherapists and yoga therapists.